Hope. It was a windy afternoon and we had nothing to do but to stay at Gammy’s place and stare at the river right in front of the apartment. While blowing on our cigars to let the time pass, a fisherman boat passed by. Suddenly, Job asked me. “Why does this fisherman still try to fish in a river known to have no fishes anymore?”
I answered. “Maybe that’s hope.”
Going back to that specific moment, I realized how stupid hope really is and how it can be so misleading.
Hope. Sometimes I find it so cliché to cling to something called hope. Hope gives people fake assurances. If you are lucky enough in hoping for something, then it may happen. But most of the time at the end of the day, people become disappointed with hoping for something that will never happen. This is the reason why I sometimes doubt how important hope can be as it is often described and portrayed in books and movies. Maybe hope is there to spice up the story and attract hopeless people. Maybe hope is emphasized to give people something to fantasize on and to believe to. Maybe hope is there to simply hope and nothing else.
Indeed I view hope as something as miserable as this sometimes, but there are also times when I can’t help but believe in it mainly because some people live with and in hope and that’s what’s keeping them moving forward. And one of these times is when Job and I went to the church to pray.
I am not a pious and religious worshipper. I can’t even consider myself to be a faithful catholic. But I have to admit that I attend masses because it makes me feel good and I also believe in God which may be the reason of the comfort that I often feel when I attend mass.
It was around 6 in the evening when we decided to visit the church. We went to Cathedral first and prayed there and proceeded to San Francisco Church to light up some candles. We bought our candles from a crippled guy. He handed us the candles and smiled as if problems are nonexistent in this world. After that, we lighted up our candles and saw a kid with filthy clothes staring at the burning candles. He was doing nothing, just staring. I may be selfish to say this but it was one of the moments when I realized how lucky I was. How can these people go on with their lives smiling when they know that the next morning, they may not be able to eat a proper breakfast or may not even eat anything for breakfast at all? After that, all that I can say to myself is that: “Maybe that’s hope.”
It’s too ironic for me to be claiming that hope is a ridiculous thing when every time I encounter moments such as these, I just can’t help but say “Maybe that’s hope”. Maybe the truth is that too much hope does become stupidity yet lack of hope leads to misery and wretchedness. And that’s why there are chosen moments of “maybe that’s really hope.”
