Heirloom

The day started the same way my every day of my life starts. I’d wake up, wash my face and go out of my room to say good morning to everyone. It was a windy/rainy day. It was a refreshing day especially in a tropical country like the Philippines. But what made this day special is not the windy and refreshing weather that greeted me when I woke up. What made it special is the fact that my mom and I sat down and shared some stories with a cup of coffee. It started out with simple stories of how my grama took care of her things so well that until now her precious cups which are century old are still intact and could still serve their purpose. She even described how she talked my grama into giving her the precious cups mainly because she’s the only daughter who married from the family. It was a refreshing time for the both of us. But what really sealed the deal of happiness for this day is the fact that after telling her story, she told me:

“You’ll be the one to keep those cups so you better take care of them.”

I was speechless at first. It was the way she said it that makes it seem like a simple thing when actually it was something that overwhelmed me. Yes, I didn’t show how happy I was when she said that but deep inside, I was brimming with pride. Hey, she said that they were her favorite cups and that she did convinced grama to give them to her. She even told me that if grama would not give them, she’d probably sneak them out of the kitchen closet. This means that she treasures the cups so much. And this also means that I’ll be taking care of something that she treasures that much.

I feel important and loved. I know that I love my mom as much but having those cups in my possession would forever bring me pride and love. I’d be taking care of the century old cups and I hope to also pass them down to the next generation in the family. It felt like something important like a family heirloom was just passed down to me. I can never be thankful enough and I can even still feel the happiness from having those cups- maybe not now but in the future.

I don't want to be alone.

I’m scared. I’m scared of the many responsibilities that are on my shoulders right now. I’m feeling like I am Raju from the 3 idiots with how I am acting. Fear is seeping through me making me feel immobilize. Uncertainties are coming in and out of my mind. Helplessness is making itself known in my life.

It’s not like I’m a pessimistic person. On the contrary, I’m brimming with positivity that sometimes I feel like I’m already faking it. Maybe that’s the big disadvantage of being optimistic. When the time comes that all the suppression of the negative auras and vibes explodes, optimistic people will simply be rendered immobilized and powerless. When that one moment when an optimistic person puts his guard down and welcome the negative thoughts it is sure that more damages will be made than when having those negative thoughts once in a while.

I’ve always been optimistic. Well, I try to always be one despite any situation. But maybe I also have the right to be scared for all the negative things that will happen. Maybe it’s not a bad thing to feel powerless and helpless. Maybe it’s free to be uncertain for some things and be doubtful of some circumstances. Maybe it’s okay to be pessimistic to balance out everything.

Dear Claire,

What and if are two words as non frightening as words can be. But put them together side by side and they have the power to wound you for the rest of your life. What if? What if? What if? I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.

I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like.  Love to live love one’s for. Love to cross the oceans for. But I’d like to believe that if I ever were to feel it that I’d have the courage to seize it.

And Claire, if you didn’t. I hope one day that you will.

All my Love,

Juliet

(Some of the words may be wrong as I only listened to it and wrote it as how I’ve heard it)

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What ifs. Maybe this is what makes “Letters to Juliet” a meaningful movie for me. I know that it was a cliché movie since the happy ending was so expected. But what made it perfect is the fact that it touches the person’s heart who get to watch the movie. It may not be filled with twists that make you hold onto your seat but it makes your heart feel happiness in a simple and amazing way.

Above is the letter send by Sophie to Claire in response to her 50-year old letter in Verona which Sophie found. The construction of the letter is very touching. It does not only limit to love but also with every other aspirations that we have in our lives. This is what makes it really great.

I admit that I’m so into chick flicks like this. But honestly, it’s not a bad thing. In fact, though some may think that these chick flicks create illusions for women, for me, it makes me believe that we have our own stories to tell.

Devotion. Oftentimes, I’d ask myself what is it with faith that simply makes people continue to support and recognize icons like that of the Divino Rostro and Our Lady of Peñafrancia here in Bicol. Maybe some follow them blindly because or rumored miracles that they are capable of doing. On the other hand, maybe it’s because of the traditions and the passed down teachings that every generation of adults have passed down to their children when it comes to the faith that should be given to the said icons.

It is a different thing however for me. It’s not really what my mom told me about these icons nor is it the stories of miracles from these icons which make me respect and appreciate these icons. It is the feeling that they elicit from me. It is the overwhelming feeling that simply by watching the Traslacion Procession or the Fluvial Procession, I feel safe and protected. It is the happiness that I feel by looking at the icons themselves.

I may be a more logical person in a sense that I don’t really go for miracles unless I see them myself. But I am a person who knows how important emotions and feelings are. Why do I feel overwhelmed with these icons? Why do I feel safe or happy? It’s not something that logic and science can explain. Maybe, it doesn’t need any scientific experiment just to prove their existence of the worth of these icons. I believe that it is just as it is. That’s devotion.


(Photographed by Carlo Martinez Aspe)

Reminiscing

Found my old diary. It was overwhelming reading my thoughts again. And because of it, I ended up staring...

at my pics, 




















letters and 

















































other documents...












which reminded me of the past. :)

Strength. People tell me that I’m strong. My friends tell me that I can overcome any problem that comes my way. My family depends on me thinking about the same thing as my friends. Maybe it can never be denied that I’m strong in one way or another. I try to be there for my friends despite everything. I try to support my family in every aspect that I can despite the difficulty. But is this strength? Why do I feel doubtful? Why am I scared? Maybe it’s simply because I am not always strong. And with those times that I am weak, no one’s there to see the strong side of me vanish. It may be because I’m scared that people would lack compassion during these times when I am weak simply because they think that I am always strong.