“Distance makes the love grow fonder.”

A cliche. It’s surprising how this simply statement means with how I really feel right now. In the past, I would usually tell my friends that long-distance relationship is no-no for me. Maybe primarily because I believe that the affection and love will be lost across the distance and time. That’s what I keep telling myself until I finally felt otherwise.

We’re not together. We were never together romantically for he was my best friend. From the very start, we both know that we will never cross the line of being best friends. That’s impossible and that’s the promise both of us made in the past. He held to that promise till the very end and I did the same. But how can I still hold on to that promise when I feel like forgetting it in the first place?

Yes, I fell in love with him. I’ve loved him for years now and I know that it’ll never work out- or not. Maybe I just assume that it’ll never work and will in the end destroy the both of us. This is why I’m still holding on to that promise desperately. I’m hanging onto it as if it’s a part of my existence, as if it’s the only thread that connects the both of us.

Now that he’s miles away, the longing intensified. Distance was and will never really be the reason for one’s love to diminish. Maybe distance can make one forget but it’ll never make love vanish. It’s existing and currently, it’s making me feel miserable. He’s so far away yet I yearn to be with him everyday, to laugh with his jokes and tease him about something trivial. I long to be where he is now and hopefully, he feels the same way.

I may feel this way but I know deep inside that things will never work out anyway. He’s my best friend and that he’ll forever be. He’s the one I love, and that I’ll forever secretly bury.